But no matter what I do it doesn't feel like my birthday. I just wrote this huge long blog post and erased the whole thing - I'm just having one of those days and when I reread the post it depressed me even more! I have 78 neutrophils today, which is good, but I'm not celebrating until I have over 100. I also have this weird clogged lumen on my Hickman catheter - they went to draw blood this morning and NADA. It just won't come out. So I had to have another chest x-ray (I'm becoming friends with the folks in radiology) and tomorrow (assuming the x-ray shows everything is normal) they'll give me some meds to unclog the lumen. I think I just can't help thinking about what I'd normally be doing on my birthday, all of the fun stuff with Gus and friends and dinner and the concert and everything, and I'm feeling sorry for myself (which doesn't really help anything).
So I'm just being a whiny brat today, but I guess I can get away with it since it is my birthday. :)
So I'm just being a whiny brat today, but I guess I can get away with it since it is my birthday. :)
You're allowed to feel "how am I HERE on my birthday?" What I prefer to think is "You're HERE on your birthday" and you will be for your next one, and next one and next one...
ReplyDeleteWhatever you feel, whenever you feel it, is ok and makes sense that on a day like today you'd be feeling it even more acutely.
I love you muchly, and celebrating your being on this planet and jut sang a very pathetic version of Happy Birthday into your phone.
Also...the balloons looked way cooler on the website. Also also...I realize the card I sent was totally homophobic and that someone had to write that out and thinks I am a terrible human being.
LURVE YOUUUUUUU
If I were you, I would be whining so much better. My blog would be named "Ray Whines" and every post would make people want to smack me.
ReplyDeleteHang in there.
Happy B-day Jess and don't worry you have all the right to feel how ever you want, becuase it's your b-day....
ReplyDeleteWishing you lots of neutrophils.
Hang in there!!!!
Love,
Gladys
I officially grant you a second birthday this year, on the date of your choice. We'll call it, "Jess' Birthday, For Real This Time".
ReplyDeleteI challenge everyone to send presents/treats/cards/wishes again on "Jess' Birthday, For Real This Time".
I'm sending you a great big hug!
This birthday isn't much of a celebration to be sure. That will come on your BMT birthday which is very soon.
ReplyDeleteI understand your frustration, but you are fighting the battle and winning. Soon this war will be a distant memory with many more happy birthdays to follow.
Wishing you many more neutrophils for now.
Lots of Love,
Cousin Marsha