:(

I don't feel good. I mean, overall things are going great, I'm not sick, no infections/fevers, etc. (which is all really good), but I feel pretty icky. Today I just feel so weak and tired - like getting up out of bed to brush my teeth is a chore. But the worst part is the mucositis in my GI tract and stomach - it's a constant burning/aching sensation, and every time I eat or drink it hurts really badly. They have me on this stuff called Protonix as well as Maalox (so gross), and I'm sure it helps, but I think there's mucositis as well as heartburn/acid reflux going on in there simultaneously, so it's not really giving me much relief. And sometimes, stuff doesn't stay down, and it's VIOLENT. I feel like my body is turning inside out. All I want to do is sleep, which is a no-no, so I just sit up in bed at a 45 degree angle and lay here. I'll go do some laps later (I actually have a date with someone in 5C at 2pm to do laps), but I doubt I'll be bustin' out an hour of exercise like I have been prior to this. It's just hard to fill the time while you're uncomfortable, to try to take your mind off of it, because nothing really works. All of the nurses and my docs keep telling me how great I'm doing, and I am, this is nothing compared to the side effects some people experience. So it's a weird thing here - I'm happy that I'm doing this well, but I still feel crappy, sooooo......I feel like, almost guilty for complaining when I know it could be much worse. I try to stay super positive and upbeat on the blog - I think that typing it out this way helps me to try to actually think that way, but it's definitely not all daisies and sunshine over here. I think if I wrote down what I was actually feeling as it was happening I'd just have a huge pile of negativity and complaints, so it's easier to reflect on things and try to put them in a positive light. People have commented on that - how "positive" and upbeat I am - I really don't think I have a choice. What's my other option? Curling into the fetal position and feeling sorry for myself? Nuh uh. I have no other option than to wake up, try to make the best of the day, and try not to think too far ahead. It's hard for me because I'm a major "planner" and I like everything laid out in a perfect plan, but cancer doesn't work that way. It's one day at a time. Me no likey. I'm still working on that.

As far as the food goes, I still don't want to eat and everything tastes icky and hurts going down. I've got a LOT of eating to make up for once I'm out of here! I can see now why they kept bugging me to "Eat, eat!" because now I really don't want to.

I think the doctors are rounding - so I'm going to go. Just wanted to check-in and give a little update.

ETA: This song is totally stuck in my head!