Holy sh*t. Seriously. I just went back and read some of my posts from March-July. And...I'm speechless. I can't believe it actually all happened. I can't even wrap my mind around it. It's like as long as things are going well over here, everything in the past just fades away. In a way it's a good thing, because there is a lot I don't want to ever remember, but it's just weird that February through July is kind of just a blip in my memory. Like I lost half a year.
One of the weirdest things about the whole experience was being admitted in the middle of winter, with snow falling outside my window - and then being discharged in the middle of spring, with everything so green. I remember the car ride home - the first car ride home, in April. It was a bizarre thought that I spent those months indoors. No fresh air for a month - wow.
But I still can't believe I actually had leukemia. I'm terrified for this upcoming biopsy on November 17th. Terrified. If it has (g-d forbid) come back - I can't even process it. The thought of spending more time in that hospital makes me want to jump off a bridge (which would really be a tragedy, seeing as the insurance company has invested upwards of $500,000 to ensure that I live). UGH!
So everyone think positive for me. And for my friends. I've heard some not-so-good (cancer-related) news from friends this past week, and it's impossible to get it off my mind.
There's my Deep Thought for the evening. Not as profound as Jack Handy. :)
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Your 6 month check-up will be stellar. You're doing fabulous, so you've got nothing to worry about. We're so happy for how well everything has turned out!
ReplyDeleteJess, wishing you the best of luck on the 17th! I've always admired you and this whole ordeal has made you a goddess in my book!! Sending lots and lots of love your way!
ReplyDeleteMy friend!!! We are sending you all the good vibes you need for the 17th. Unfortunately no one can take your anxiety away (well, with the exception of Ms. Ambien) and the sad part is that this will always haunt you, no matter how far out you are from transplant. I wish more than anything that no one would have to deal with this fear.
ReplyDeleteThere is one thing I can be sure of though: if the outcome is not what we all wish for I know you will not jump off a bridge but rather tackle it with all you've got, fight it with ll your might, and kick cancer in the balls again!
Always here for you!
xoxo
By the way, Jessica, if you haven't seen the movie Julie & Julia, you really need to. Your blog reminds me of a cross between Julie's foodie blog in the movie & a cancer triumph story.
ReplyDeleteBest,
Sarah Tran
Sarah - I just finished that book last night! I loved it - it was hysterical, I wasn't expecting it to be so funny. I definitely want to see the movie.
ReplyDelete